Preface: I could post a cheesy intro about how long it's been since I've blogged, but I'll skip that. I have been feeling inspired to write, but I feel like I kind of limited myself with the direction the blog was heading. I starting feeling like I had to do a project, make a recipe, or do something creative in order to post. That's not what I want. I still do those things, but sometimes, taking photos, listing instructions, etc. makes it feel like a chore, rather than a hobby. So, to the guilt I've felt about not posting, to the genre I placed upon myself, to the box I tried to put myself in - I say, "Whatever." This is my blog. And as silly or uninteresting as some of these posts might be, I will write because someone, somewhere may need to see it. And if not, then maybe I just needed to write it. This blog will no longer be confined to home making, budget living, and DIYs. It may contain those things, too. But I want to write about my life. And, dear friends, my life cannot be expressed with a cute font and an explanation of hot glue gun brands. I just read my "About Me" page. I wanted this to be about "real life." So, be prepared. This is my life.
Okay, here's the post.
I used to be skeptical of people who "heard God speaking to them." However, since I have grown in my faith, I believe it is not only real, it happens to me. It is truly an amazing experience. It is unique for each person. This is just my account.
I was driving down the road the other day, and if you've ever driven with me, you know that I am a paranoid driver. I assume every other car on the road is either dumb or blind...or both. When I am beside and 18-wheeler, especially, I feel the need to pass them quickly, fearing that I may be in their blind spot as soon as they try to move over in my lane. Yes, my fear is irrational. (Although, I've never been involved in a major accident.) I was doing my normal routine. I realized I was coming up on a semi, so I held my breath, gripped the wheel at exactly ten and two, leaned forward, pressed the gas, and edged as close to the yellow line as I could until I passed the truck.
I was almost past it and in the clear when, suddenly, I felt my body relax (against my will), and I exhaled. I realized my car was slightly over the yellow line. Not in immediate danger, but I'm pretty fond of staying on the right side of the road. This is the revelation I had:
"How often do I create danger in my head, and try so hard to avoid it, that I put myself in actual danger?"
This has been a real issue in the past. I was afraid to get close to people, including my husband who I am madly in love with and who I know, without a doubt, that he loves me and would never intentionally hurt me. I closed myself off until I was causing harm to myself, using various vices (alcohol, in particular). I would not call myself an alcoholic, but there have been times in my past where I would drink in order to numb pain or avoid situations rather than deal with them responsibly. Looking back, my problems could have been easily fixed.
I can recognize this issue in my past. Hind sight is 20/20, right? However, I feel like God is pushing me to re-examine my present.
Let me specify - I did not audibly hear God speaking to me. I feel God in many ways, but usually it is an overwhelming peace that washes over me. I feel God moving and His presence often, especially during worship. It comes to me in uncontrollable goosebumps, and more recently, crying.
I would love to hear your stories about God speaking to you or any questions you may have about my experiences. Feel free to leave comments and spread your story.
Sincerely,
Cheyenne
