The answer to any marriage question can be found at Barnes and Noble.

Browsing Barnes and Noble, these caught my eye and inspired a blog...  Yes, I am the nerd who was so appalled, I whipped out my phone to snap some pictures.

Note: 

I have NOT read these books.  I have never heard of these books.  Yes, I judged books by their cover. 

My first thought - how can you fix a marriage in only seven minutes?  Secondly, what are you so busy with that you can't devote more than seven minutes to your spouse?  And the second book...I don't want a "new husband."  And if I did, in five days?  Really?  I'm sure you can sense my sarcasm, but even if you can't think of it this way - what would you think or feel if your husband brought home a book that said "Have a New Wife by Friday?"  Yeah, that's what I thought.

I am NOT a relationship expert.  I am not even close.  But, I am a wife.  I talked to Jonathan prior to posting this to insure he was comfortable with it.  I do not want to violate our marriage by spilling all of our dirty little secrets.  However, I will share with you an honest portrayal of our past.

Some of you may know that Jonathan and I chose to separate in February.  After two months apart, we decided that our marriage, our love, was stronger than any issues we had encountered.  Our issues started last July, although that may have been our first rock bottom, so I suppose they started before then.  Stress, money, and undiagnosed depression sent our relationship spiraling downward quickly.  I was overly sensitive and felt Jonathan was insensitive.  I took everything personally and did not feel as though I was understood.

Those months apart were unbearable.  For the first several weeks, I thought I was happier.  But slowly, I found myself just pretending to be fulfilled by the "single life."  We have all had those break downs in the shower, but I will never forget this one.  I prayed harder than I ever had.  The control freak that I am had convinced myself that I could fix it all and be happy again with or without Jonathan.  But that night, I gave it all back to God.  I admitted that I could not take it any longer and that I had no idea what I was doing, what I wanted, or what I needed.  I just needed back what I had lost somewhere along the way. 

The next day, Jonathan and I agreed he would move back to Austin and he got his previous job back.  Our marriage is not fixed.  Our problems did not disappear.  And as much as I would like it to, these things will not go away in seven minutes...or even five days.  This is a lifelong journey.

I have learned a few ways to heal our hearts and begin to repair our marriage.  So, here they are.

1.  Prayer works.  Enough said.  Even if you don't know how, just say "Jesus."  He knows your heart and knows exactly what you need.

2.  Marriage is not roses and chocolates.  It's a long, hard experience.  It's hard work.  The work never ends.  You have to not only maintain it, but improve it daily.  Hopefully, roses and chocolates will come...or maybe a flower from your own flowerbed and a milky way.  Be grateful.

3.  Love is a choice.  You do not fall in love, you choose to love.  Everyday you wake up, you choose to love that person, even in their worst.  You choose to because you see something in them that cannot be matched by any other.  You choose to show love.  Loving without showing love is pointless.  It's like choosing to exercise without getting off the couch.

4.  Listen.  Just shut up, and listen.

5.  Walk away.  I hated going to bed angry, but now, it's not always such a bad idea.  It gives you time to sleep, breathe, calm down, and rationalize.

6.  Guys are dumb and girls are crazy.  Find common ground...even if it's that neither of you know what you are doing. 

7.  You both suck.  You are not the problem.  Your spouse is not the problem.  Accept that you both suck, and promise to work together to get better.  Be what they need you to be.  Tell them what you need them to be.

8.  And for those who really want to "change" your spouse  - we all have those triggers, those habits we hate.  (ah-hem...wet towels on the bed...)  Accept your partner for who they are.  Not who they were or who you want them to be.  Change starts within yourself.  If there is something you really want your partner to change, change it in yourself first.  I wanted Jonathan to be more sensitive to my feelings.  So, when he would get upset, I say the things I want him to say to me.  Eventually, those habits rub off.  Or, they notice a change in you and it inspires them to be a better spouse.

Like I said, I am NOT an expert, and I absolutely DO NOT think that marrital issues can be fixed by simply reading a book.  It takes a lot of work.  You will cry.  A lot.  You should pray.  A lot.  We are proof that you CAN get through it.

LOVE WORKS.

God Speaking

Preface:  I could post a cheesy intro about how long it's been since I've blogged, but I'll skip that.  I have been feeling inspired to write, but I feel like I kind of limited myself with the direction the blog was heading.  I starting feeling like I had to do a project, make a recipe, or do something creative in order to post.  That's not what I want.  I still do those things, but sometimes, taking photos, listing instructions, etc. makes it feel like a chore, rather than a hobby.  So, to the guilt I've felt about not posting, to the genre I placed upon myself, to the box I tried to put myself in - I say, "Whatever."  This is my blog.  And as silly or uninteresting as some of these posts might be, I will write because someone, somewhere may need to see it.  And if not, then maybe I just needed to write it.  This blog will no longer be confined to home making, budget living, and DIYs.  It may contain those things, too.  But I want to write about my life.  And, dear friends, my life cannot be expressed with a cute font and an explanation of hot glue gun brands.  I just read my "About Me" page.  I wanted this to be about "real life."  So, be prepared.  This is my life.

Okay, here's the post.

I used to be skeptical of people who "heard God speaking to them."  However, since I have grown in my faith, I believe it is not only real, it happens to me.  It is truly an amazing experience.  It is unique for each person.  This is just my account.

I was driving down the road the other day, and if you've ever driven with me, you know that I am a paranoid driver.  I assume every other car on the road is either dumb or blind...or both.  When I am beside and 18-wheeler, especially, I feel the need to pass them quickly, fearing that I may be in their blind spot as soon as they try to move over in my lane.  Yes, my fear is irrational.  (Although, I've never been involved in a major accident.)  I was doing my normal routine.  I realized I was coming up on a semi, so I held my breath, gripped the wheel at exactly ten and two, leaned forward, pressed the gas, and edged as close to the yellow line as I could until I passed the truck.

I was almost past it and in the clear when, suddenly, I felt my body relax (against my will), and I exhaled.  I realized my car was slightly over the yellow line. Not in immediate danger, but I'm pretty fond of staying on the right side of the road.  This is the revelation I had:

"How often do I create danger in my head, and try so hard to avoid it, that I put myself in actual danger?"

This has been a real issue in the past.  I was afraid to get close to people, including my husband who I am madly in love with and who I know, without a doubt, that he loves me and would never intentionally hurt me.  I closed myself off until I was causing harm to myself, using various vices (alcohol, in particular).  I would not call myself an alcoholic, but there have been times in my past where I would drink in order to numb pain or avoid situations rather than deal with them responsibly.  Looking back, my problems could have been easily fixed.

I can recognize this issue in my past.  Hind sight is 20/20, right?  However, I feel like God is pushing me to re-examine my present.

Let me specify - I did not audibly hear God speaking to me.  I feel God in many ways, but usually it is an overwhelming peace that washes over me.  I feel God moving and His presence often, especially during worship.  It comes to me in uncontrollable goosebumps, and more recently, crying.

I would love to hear your stories about God speaking to you or any questions you may have about my experiences.  Feel free to leave comments and spread your story.

Sincerely,
Cheyenne