The answer to any marriage question can be found at Barnes and Noble.

Browsing Barnes and Noble, these caught my eye and inspired a blog...  Yes, I am the nerd who was so appalled, I whipped out my phone to snap some pictures.

Note: 

I have NOT read these books.  I have never heard of these books.  Yes, I judged books by their cover. 

My first thought - how can you fix a marriage in only seven minutes?  Secondly, what are you so busy with that you can't devote more than seven minutes to your spouse?  And the second book...I don't want a "new husband."  And if I did, in five days?  Really?  I'm sure you can sense my sarcasm, but even if you can't think of it this way - what would you think or feel if your husband brought home a book that said "Have a New Wife by Friday?"  Yeah, that's what I thought.

I am NOT a relationship expert.  I am not even close.  But, I am a wife.  I talked to Jonathan prior to posting this to insure he was comfortable with it.  I do not want to violate our marriage by spilling all of our dirty little secrets.  However, I will share with you an honest portrayal of our past.

Some of you may know that Jonathan and I chose to separate in February.  After two months apart, we decided that our marriage, our love, was stronger than any issues we had encountered.  Our issues started last July, although that may have been our first rock bottom, so I suppose they started before then.  Stress, money, and undiagnosed depression sent our relationship spiraling downward quickly.  I was overly sensitive and felt Jonathan was insensitive.  I took everything personally and did not feel as though I was understood.

Those months apart were unbearable.  For the first several weeks, I thought I was happier.  But slowly, I found myself just pretending to be fulfilled by the "single life."  We have all had those break downs in the shower, but I will never forget this one.  I prayed harder than I ever had.  The control freak that I am had convinced myself that I could fix it all and be happy again with or without Jonathan.  But that night, I gave it all back to God.  I admitted that I could not take it any longer and that I had no idea what I was doing, what I wanted, or what I needed.  I just needed back what I had lost somewhere along the way. 

The next day, Jonathan and I agreed he would move back to Austin and he got his previous job back.  Our marriage is not fixed.  Our problems did not disappear.  And as much as I would like it to, these things will not go away in seven minutes...or even five days.  This is a lifelong journey.

I have learned a few ways to heal our hearts and begin to repair our marriage.  So, here they are.

1.  Prayer works.  Enough said.  Even if you don't know how, just say "Jesus."  He knows your heart and knows exactly what you need.

2.  Marriage is not roses and chocolates.  It's a long, hard experience.  It's hard work.  The work never ends.  You have to not only maintain it, but improve it daily.  Hopefully, roses and chocolates will come...or maybe a flower from your own flowerbed and a milky way.  Be grateful.

3.  Love is a choice.  You do not fall in love, you choose to love.  Everyday you wake up, you choose to love that person, even in their worst.  You choose to because you see something in them that cannot be matched by any other.  You choose to show love.  Loving without showing love is pointless.  It's like choosing to exercise without getting off the couch.

4.  Listen.  Just shut up, and listen.

5.  Walk away.  I hated going to bed angry, but now, it's not always such a bad idea.  It gives you time to sleep, breathe, calm down, and rationalize.

6.  Guys are dumb and girls are crazy.  Find common ground...even if it's that neither of you know what you are doing. 

7.  You both suck.  You are not the problem.  Your spouse is not the problem.  Accept that you both suck, and promise to work together to get better.  Be what they need you to be.  Tell them what you need them to be.

8.  And for those who really want to "change" your spouse  - we all have those triggers, those habits we hate.  (ah-hem...wet towels on the bed...)  Accept your partner for who they are.  Not who they were or who you want them to be.  Change starts within yourself.  If there is something you really want your partner to change, change it in yourself first.  I wanted Jonathan to be more sensitive to my feelings.  So, when he would get upset, I say the things I want him to say to me.  Eventually, those habits rub off.  Or, they notice a change in you and it inspires them to be a better spouse.

Like I said, I am NOT an expert, and I absolutely DO NOT think that marrital issues can be fixed by simply reading a book.  It takes a lot of work.  You will cry.  A lot.  You should pray.  A lot.  We are proof that you CAN get through it.

LOVE WORKS.

God Speaking

Preface:  I could post a cheesy intro about how long it's been since I've blogged, but I'll skip that.  I have been feeling inspired to write, but I feel like I kind of limited myself with the direction the blog was heading.  I starting feeling like I had to do a project, make a recipe, or do something creative in order to post.  That's not what I want.  I still do those things, but sometimes, taking photos, listing instructions, etc. makes it feel like a chore, rather than a hobby.  So, to the guilt I've felt about not posting, to the genre I placed upon myself, to the box I tried to put myself in - I say, "Whatever."  This is my blog.  And as silly or uninteresting as some of these posts might be, I will write because someone, somewhere may need to see it.  And if not, then maybe I just needed to write it.  This blog will no longer be confined to home making, budget living, and DIYs.  It may contain those things, too.  But I want to write about my life.  And, dear friends, my life cannot be expressed with a cute font and an explanation of hot glue gun brands.  I just read my "About Me" page.  I wanted this to be about "real life."  So, be prepared.  This is my life.

Okay, here's the post.

I used to be skeptical of people who "heard God speaking to them."  However, since I have grown in my faith, I believe it is not only real, it happens to me.  It is truly an amazing experience.  It is unique for each person.  This is just my account.

I was driving down the road the other day, and if you've ever driven with me, you know that I am a paranoid driver.  I assume every other car on the road is either dumb or blind...or both.  When I am beside and 18-wheeler, especially, I feel the need to pass them quickly, fearing that I may be in their blind spot as soon as they try to move over in my lane.  Yes, my fear is irrational.  (Although, I've never been involved in a major accident.)  I was doing my normal routine.  I realized I was coming up on a semi, so I held my breath, gripped the wheel at exactly ten and two, leaned forward, pressed the gas, and edged as close to the yellow line as I could until I passed the truck.

I was almost past it and in the clear when, suddenly, I felt my body relax (against my will), and I exhaled.  I realized my car was slightly over the yellow line. Not in immediate danger, but I'm pretty fond of staying on the right side of the road.  This is the revelation I had:

"How often do I create danger in my head, and try so hard to avoid it, that I put myself in actual danger?"

This has been a real issue in the past.  I was afraid to get close to people, including my husband who I am madly in love with and who I know, without a doubt, that he loves me and would never intentionally hurt me.  I closed myself off until I was causing harm to myself, using various vices (alcohol, in particular).  I would not call myself an alcoholic, but there have been times in my past where I would drink in order to numb pain or avoid situations rather than deal with them responsibly.  Looking back, my problems could have been easily fixed.

I can recognize this issue in my past.  Hind sight is 20/20, right?  However, I feel like God is pushing me to re-examine my present.

Let me specify - I did not audibly hear God speaking to me.  I feel God in many ways, but usually it is an overwhelming peace that washes over me.  I feel God moving and His presence often, especially during worship.  It comes to me in uncontrollable goosebumps, and more recently, crying.

I would love to hear your stories about God speaking to you or any questions you may have about my experiences.  Feel free to leave comments and spread your story.

Sincerely,
Cheyenne

Happy Birthday, Little Blog

This blog is a year old now.  But let's face it...it's a little sad.  I am a little disappointed that I didn't post more in 2012, but I did do a lot of other things.   Like....

• Moved twice and then again right back to where we started.
• Went back to my old (and amazing) job at Emerson Academy as a Pre-K teacher...and all that entails, such as completely transforming the classroom.
• Read 50 Shades of Gray.  Meh...
• Learned to coupon...kind of.  Still working on that one.
• Started volunteering with my church's children's ministry.
• Realized I have some cooking/baking talent.
• Spent about $120 on Christmas gifts for 10 people which meant shopping cheap and making and/or customizing every gift.

Not to mention being an awesome friend and amazing wife. ; )

Turns out, if you add things to your to-do list, it doesn't add time to your day.  Who knew?

I have a lot of resolutions this year...just like I always do.  And I'm going to stick with them and not forget them...just like I always do.  I have a lot of ideas I'd like to implement on the blog, in my home, in the classroom, in my heart and head, in my marriage, etc.  

I will accomplish things this year!

2012...

We got a dog!  Duke. :)  But we had to send him to a better home when we moved back to Austin :(

Baked.

Saved!

Best. Wife. Ever. :)

My little sister got married.

And...We moved.  A lot.

Size matters?

I've never been small.

This is by far the hardest blog post I've ever written.  This is pushing me way out of my comfort zone, but I feel as though this should be said.

There have been a lot of bigger girls standing up for themselves and the whole un-tiny community. I am extremely inspired by these women. They have inspired me to raise my own voice.

I have always had body issues. I have been made fun of, stared at, and called names. You can hide a zit, you can pull your hair back when you're having a bad hair day, you can use makeup to cover blotchy skin. You can buy clothes, but it's pretty difficult to hide your size. As a child and teen, I wouldn't eat in front of people because I was worried about what they thought. I still won't buy those cute logo tees if they have a food logo on them because I "know" what people will think.

However, in the last month or so, I have really come to terms with who I am. I have internal and external changes to make, but I love me.  Even if the world doesn't.

Here are my tips to love your body, no matter the size or shape.

1. Realize that you are what you are. I, personally, believe that I am made in God's image, and that is enough for me. I do realize that not everyone believes that. If not, simply think, "this is me. And that's just fine." Nothing happens over night, so you might as well get comfortable.

2. Set goals and work to achieve them.  Don't beat up yourself for eating a bowl of ice cream, but just setting small goals, and meeting them, can do wonders for self esteem, even if you don't see any physical change.

3. Dress for your body. Big or small, short or tall,  just go shopping, have a ball! (Dr. Seuss/preschool teacher moment.) Make shopping fun. A size zero wouldn't go shopping at a Lane Bryant, and a size 18 wouldn't shop at Abercrombie. Try it on! Even if you "know" it won't look good, try it on! You never know... Just because you try it in, doesn't mean you'll buy it. Buy what makes you feel good.

4. Do those cheesy self-affirmations. No one has to hear them, so don't be embarrassed. Look in the mirror and focus on what you like.

5. Surround yourself with amazing people because you deserve nothing less than positive energy. I am forced to be around a super negative person all day, Monday through Friday. Most people who work have experienced this too. If that's the case, take breaks to read positive quotes/scriptures, call or text someone who loves you, and remember, they are who they are, too.

Beauty is everywhere, and I hope that society can start to accept the beautiful varieties that exist.

The next post is going to be on dressing for your body. I will spend this week writing and taking pictures. Woo! Stay tuned!  (The iPad autocorrected "tuned" to "toned." Really, Apple?!

A new start (again)

So, it's been a while, but have no fear. I am back to regular posting.  I realized a few things over the last few months, and a lot of things have changed. First and foremost, we were extremely unhappy in Waco. This explains my lack of posting. I had no interest in anything. We weren't unhappy with our marriage or life or anything super big like that; Waco just want for us. We missed our home. That house and Waco in general didn't feel like home. And boy, was a surprised when I realized that "home" was back in Austin! We couldn't wait to get back. We decided we wanted to come back in mid-July and were moving in August 25th. I couldn't wait to get back to Emerson Academy and away from that China Spring center. I deleted the adjective that described the center. Lets just say it wasn't for me. We are back at the exact same apartment complex and our apartment looks exactly the same as the last, except now we have a beautiful golf course view. Jonathan does security at Intel and I am a pre-k teacher. We have an amazing church family here that we've fallen in love with. Oh, and I have some new clothes that I need to show off! I'll be posting again soon, so stay tuned! But for now, it's time for work. Have a great day!

Finally, what you've been waiting for...

Can you believe that most people, including family, have not seen our house?  Well, I spent all weekend cleaning and working on the office.  Jonathan worked on the dining room.  So, I thought, it's as good of a time as any to post pics.  However, please keep in mind, this is NOT the finished product.  We still have a lot to get done, but until we have the money to do so, we've had to make it work with what we've got (and what's been given to us).  Also, because every wall in this house, except the living room, is white (blah), I had to do some instagramming to them.  The white walls do not provide awesome lighting.  We usually keep the lights off, and have soft lamps or natural light from all the windows.

Living Room

Living Room - Please ignore the curtain rod in the corner...oops. :)

Living Room

Office
My goal for this room was to have an inspirational, motivational place to relax, work, do homework, pray, etc.  The lights are on in these photos, and doesn't really show how I work in here.  Right now, lights are off, candles lit, lamp on.  Perfect.  By the way, in the picture below, the orange stuff on the couch is the curtain I am going to hang in there.  It's sheer, lightweight, and simple.  Oh, and the door in the corner has pictures hanging on it...it's a project I'm working on... :)

Office - a cozy place to sit and relax 

The photos are my favorite part of the room.  I will be adding more of mine and Jonathan's family soon.

Blurry, but photos of my grandmother and great grandparents.  The note is written by my grandmother...it reads, "Most of life's road blocks are man-made.  A good woman can find a way around them every time."  Inspiring?  Yes.

More old photos.  The oldest one I have right now is the picture of the baby.  That is my great grandfather!  Love this.

Dining Room

No picture of the table, but it's a simple, beautiful antique table that belonged to his great grandmother.  We also got the buffet and hutch from his grandmother.  I debating painting the buffet and the hutch.  We'll see what happens.

Bedroom #2
This will eventually be our guest bedroom, but since we have no furniture in here yet, we just call it "The Shoe Room."  Yes, you knew it would happen eventually...a room for nothing but shoes!  Well, we also use the closet and the weird storage unit thing for clothes and purses.  I'd like to tear that unit out, but I guess we'll keep it...at least for now. (Remember, we are only renting...)

Bathroom
Yes, it's the bathroom.

We switched out our contemporary shower curtain that we had in Austin.  It didn't really flow with the theme of the house.  Plus, it was dark, navy blue.  This white curtain really makes the bathroom seem bigger.  I was a little skeptical about the floral pattern at first, but I love it!  We kept the contemporary square, wooden hangers from the old curtain instead of the ugly flower ones that came with the curtain.  It really mixes our modern/country style well.  The curtain was a great Dollar Store find.

Thanks to my sister, Jennafer, for that jar!  She gave it to me for Christmas full of bath fizzers.  The fizzers are gone, and I loved it too much to throw it out.  I love this shelf from Target.  Also, we have no toilet paper roll holder.  There's not really room for one without it looking awkward, so we opted for a garage sale basket instead.

 Bedroom
Our goal in this room was for it to be relaxing, romantic, and spa like.  I love it.

We have 4 large windows that let in a lot of natural light. We love that, but the room gets hot and stays bright.  Jonathan sleeps during the day, so this just wouldn't work.  We got these navy blue Eclipse curtains that "block out 98% of light" and cool the room.  I wish they worked a little better, but they do work really well.

This is probably my favorite part of the room...the bedside table.  Those are vintage books I found at a garage sale (and my journal).  The plant is actually an outdoor plant I got a couple years ago from Kohl's for like $7...clearance!  The basket is another garage sale find.  I use it to hide my remotes, chap stick, and other misc. bedside items.

When the lights are off and that lamp is on, it is like a retreat...the lamps (one on dresser, one on nightstand), by the way, were $10/each at Walmart.  I love the look of them, and the lighting is soft, but bright enough to get stuff done.

Eventually, we will get a real bed with a headboard and frame that fits it and everything.  But, it works!

 One last weekend project:
This is the space above our washer and dryer...no doors on the cabinets leaves our junk out in the open.  Ugly, much?  So this is what I did...

Before.

After...bags are in the small basket, dog stuff in the larger basket.  I'd like them to both be the same size, but like I said...I didn't buy anything this weekend!  I'd also like a big green plant where those little planters are. 

But where did all my cleaning crap go?

We already kept the vacuum, broom, swiffer, Christmas stuff, tools, and other junk in this closet.  It only made sense to add this stuff too.  The spray bottles hung perfectly.  Everything that couldn't hang is on the shelf to the left.  I just threw the cleaning rags up there for easy access.  Shut the door and no one knows its there, but it's still just as convenient as having it out.

 So, we still need rugs and curtains and furniture, but all in all, I'm pretty satisfied.  I'll try to post a pic of the kitchen when I remember...oh and the outside of the house and the huge backyard. :)  Happy Sunday!

What's this? A day off?

Note:  This is not a typical post.  This is mainly for those people who need an update on my life, not really my decor.  You're more than welcome to read, but warning:  it may bore you.  :)

So, I've been feeling like this blog is a neglected, abandoned child.  I believe you at least need an explanation.  I mentioned in the last post that I have been crazy busy.  Now, I'm crazy busy, and maybe a little bit crazy.  My kids in my class love that I said [one time] "Oh, my.  I must be going crazy."  So now, they feel the need to remind me of that fact every time I forget to give them a napkin or give them a hug before quiet time.

Anyway, we have done a little around the house...finally got those mini blinds hung!  Our bedroom finally feels like a relaxing, romantic bedroom rather than a curtainless dorm room with big post-its on the window (the old tenants had those sticky blinds...they really are just over-sized post-its).  No huge changes though.

We have also realized that being in the country and having wooden floors throughout requires us to sweep every week.  Woo! ...

I was going to post this amazing recipe last week.  I found it on Pinterest.  Lemon Chicken with red potatoes and green beans.  I was so excited about it...until we ate it.  Hmmm, not so much.  Not blog worthy.  Not really even plate worthy.

I'm geared up for Summer at work.  I've moved classrooms and have spent the majority of my time doing lesson plans and creating a creative, pretty environment.  I also got new students, who have been testing me without any hesitation.  I'm also preparing to teach Pre-K in the Fall!

I started my first college class in two years Monday night.  I'm very excited to be back in school and actually learning something I'll actually use!  No offense to my horrid Brit Lit teacher I had a few years ago.

So, yes, I've been keeping busy.  I'm also contemplating starting another blog about childcare and teaching related topics.  I would keep this blog, however, I do like doing a simple posts updating distant family and friends about our life.  This blog may become a "catch all" blog.  We will see where it takes me.  I kinda just go with the flow of things lately.  It's much more freeing.

Now, I will spend my Thursday off going through my DVR and maybe some grocery shopping.  Happy Thursday!